Family

It’s nearly Christmas and I’m constantly reminded of the past. Of an atheist mother who didn’t care for all the fuss, of the family popping round with presents, beautifully wrapped and chosen with care, and thus being like many families in the UK. This year, there’s no fed-up mum complaining about the people in Waitrose with a mountain of food in their trolleys which could feed an army. And no family to pop round with a dvd from my wish list and a bunch of flowers. This year, I lost my family. Mum died and two participated in acts designed to cause me distress. Admittedly, two others didn’t but they offered no sympathy, didn’t try to mediate and resolve matters and as we know, silence is complicity. They are both talented people and I am glad I saw them grow up. Lots of happy memories I shall always cherish.

However, since May, I’ve had various thoughts about my future role as sibling and aunt. I’ve had to ask myself basic questions such as what is family and where do you draw the line? How do you remain dignified?

I decided that the two involved in the malicious acts could no longer be trusted as even the most innocent phrase might end up rehashed and embroidered in court. Whether my nieces want to continue contact is up to them. They know where I live.

I need to surround myself with kind souls who engage with other people in a way that reflects care and interest. Who can be trusted. Who see me for the person I am. Who don’t make bells ring in the psychological part of me.

I know enough lovely people to compare. I desire ‘normal’. Where I don’t have to worry. Where I don’t feel I have to prove something. People willing to help when needed. Who will laugh with me. People who communicate they like and value me. Biology means nothing to me now.

It’s during bad times that you discover who is important in your life. And so I made a choice. I want to be as fair, honest and decent as I can be and to help those who need it. In short, I shall remain myself. And dignity is all.

Life is too short to waste on individuals who don’t make you feel good. It’s better to be alone than spend time with those who make you feel uncomfortable or depressed. Who make you question yourself. Who pass on what you said to third parties with negative outcomes in mind.

David, Sandra, Linda and Darren, thanks for seeing the real me. And thanks also to Greetje, Micha and my old school chums from Amsterdam. For making me feel valued. For your support. Bless you all.

I have a small family. Four people in the UK. Two were engaged in mischief. I trust God will deal with them. Two did not. But the family I had is gone.