A few days ago, I received the decision of the body that regulates nurses (The NMC). Incase you haven’t read the blogs about the safeguarding enquiry, I was gaslighted for months by the district nurses, they ignored three reports that my mum was in intense pain (which they helpfully did not bother to include in their records), and I was able to show with sound evidence that a lot of what the clinical lead said during the enquiry was factually inaccurate. The body agreed with me that records had to be accurate, but in this case, all of the errors could have been due to faulty transcribing. (By implication, that means that everything that the clinical lead said had not been recorded accurately, thus what she had alleged and recorded in the meeting was nonsense.) The three reports of pain were not in the nurses’s notes so the clinical lead couldn’t say anything about them (but they were alluded to in the investigation by the Trust so she knew and the nurse involved had tried to explain the failure to act). Finally, she admitted that she had not factchecked. (That was obvious). Given these issues, the NMC stopped their investigation. To put it another way, Teddington has a district nurse clinical lead who gaslights and lies, and knows that she can get away with it.
A few days ago, I watched both versions of the film Gaslight on Amazon Prime. It convinced me that gaslighting (the term comes from the film) is a reflection of an ugly mind. You can be physically ugly but you can also be mentally ugly.
A wise person realises that it doesn’t matter what you look like. It’s outside packaging. What is important is the inside. An unattractive face can belong to the most honest, kind and caring person. An individual who supports you through dark times. Nurses you through flu or worse. Someone who makes you feel like a nice person and you can have fun with. But a man or woman who gaslights only poisons your soul. In this case, a group of district nurses in Teddington engaged in this dispicable behaviour and the clinical lead chose to list a number of fabrications to make me appear like someone who was mentally unreasonable and a danger to her mother. (They didn’t mention that I had been her night carer for 18 months and paid for her care after her money ran out. That would have undermined all efforts to portray me as ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know.’ No, people were groomed to lie, to gaslight and to spread the word to an increasingly larger group so I deserved a safeguarding enquiry. (Actually, there had been two attempts. The first didn’t meet the criteria, apparently.)
Nurses, or any other health professional, rarely lie for fun. It’s highly unusual. But I had a group of them, colluding with social workers, two carers and my sibling. For what? It’s against all codes of conduct.
An analyst asked me what sibling, who probably co-ordinated the whole thing, had to gain. I had no idea. “What did he inherit?” I told her. I still didn’t follow her reasoning; after all, he was rich. “Double it” she said. Why? “Because if you had been convicted for attempted murder, you would not have inherited anything. He would have got your half. You can’t gain from a crime.” Ahem. I bet he didn’t inform his enablers of that! He just told them he was concerned about his mum. (If new to this tale, he refused to wash his hands before handling her tablets or food, increasing her risk of nasty diseases which could have killed her and he was so lazy, he would have lost her more that £66000 had I not found out and begun to complete forms to continue receiving her pensions, apply for benefits etc. His definition of concern differs from mine. Of course, neither the GPs nor the social workers knew his history. A doctor at Teddington Memorial did but alas, didn’t pass the information on to the GP. Indeed, there appears to have been no communication between the hospital nurses and the district nurses. Hence the latter didn’t know that my mother required two people to assist after an enema. They told me but no one else. And as it transpired, one carer didn’t cope and it all became very messy.
I knew from the GP records that they were about to call the police and when I asked mine if I could go to prison, he stayed silent. So the concept of me being arrested etc which the therapist came up with was not as unrealistic as I deemed it to be. It had been discussed at GP level. Alas for sibling, a day or so before the police was due to be informed, mum died and the safeguarding enquiry was dropped. So sibling and the nurses and social workers gained nothing. All that work wasted. I wonder if they were miffed. And the whole affair means none of them can ever accuse another of gaslighting them because they did it themselves. To do so would make them hypocrits
I’ve become a mentally stronger person as a result of the experience. However, if anyone tries to gaslight me now, I shall make my excuses and walk away. Gaslighters are toxic. And those who are bystanders are just like Eva Braun. Not a woman I admire. A decent person doesn’t ignore a person who is being bullied or harmed in any other way.
Ofcourse I was shocked when I first heard and read the acccusations. The nurses and social workers really didn’t know me at all. But in the past few days it occurred to me that if a professional has to present a case at a safeguarding enquiry, the least we can expect is that the allegations are checked. In my case, nothing was. I have the minutes and it was just a gossip fest.
There are a lot of such ugly people in this world. I aim to keep well away from them. I suggest that for the sake of your mental health, dear reader, that you do too. And watch gaslight. Educate yourself. Stay safe.
PS. The NMC has a reputation as a regulator which doesn’t regulate. And I must emphasise that I have met the loveliest nurses eg at Hampton Wick Surgery. Kind and totally professional. Lastly, I’m not sure about £1.5 m as a motive. I think that he had a problem with disability and illness at that time, that he hated not being able to control mum etc. Maybe there were a number of factors. In short, I simply don’t know why sibling did what he did. What’s more, I no longer care. He is fine. He has his narcissistic supply. He has wealth. On a superficial level, he is fine. If he was a Brit, he would have been an OBE. He is very clever but lacks the insight to understand what he did and the pain he caused. A PhD from Cambridge does not prove that you are wise or caring. So don’t look up to scientists and don’t look down on a hairdresser. Judge people on kindness, not degrees.
A wobbly tulip from Amsterdam. 